


Don't Forget About the Pumpkin Pie

by uofmdragon



Series: Promptsgiving 2020 [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bad Cooking, M/M, Thanksgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:00:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28368042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uofmdragon/pseuds/uofmdragon
Summary: Phil knows that Clint is looking forward to a big Thanksgiving feast.  The problem is that Clint's on a mission that's been delayed, but he should be home by the afternoon.  Except that leaves Phil and Natasha to cook the meal and they can't cook.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson/Natasha Romanov
Series: Promptsgiving 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077536
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Don't Forget About the Pumpkin Pie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lapillus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lapillus/gifts).



> Lapillus requested Nat's first Thanksgiving with Clint and Phil (gen or threesome both fine), everything goes wrong.
> 
> lapillus

"Really?" Phil said with a frown. "Are you sure we can't get him back tonight?"

There was a long silence and Phil could picture the glare that Fury was giving the phone. He swallowed more out of habit than anything else, because he knew, oh he knew that look. "No."

Phil sighed. "Thank you for letting me know, please keep me informed of his ETA."

"Of course," Fury said in a tone that said 'I am not your secretary Coulson.'

Phil set the phone back in its cradle as Clint still not only had a landline, but one with a cord. He wasn't even sure where the other man had got it. Phil turned to see Natasha looking at him, one solitary eyebrow raised in the unspoken question.

"Clint won't be back until tomorrow."

"Okay." She said slowly. Her eyes narrowed. "Are you okay?"

"Tomorrow afternoon."

"Can we do this on Friday?" Natasha asked.

Phil shook his head. "He'll want to do some shopping and well, I've got to work an anti-terrorist thing as AIM likes to release a toy that will brainwash families, so we need to make sure they don't accidentally make it into a store."

Natasha frowned. "So we have to cook the meal? By ourselves?"

Phil took a deep breath and nodded.

"Phil, we can't cook."

"We're going to have to try," Phil said, pulling out his cell phone. "I'll call Jasper, he can tell us what to do for the turkey. You start looking up how to make side dishes?"

"Right," Natasha said, going over to the fridge and opening the freezer. She pulled out the bottle of vodka that she kept there and opened it. She took a long swig straight from the bottle. Phil dug around the end table and pulled out a battered notebook, which he flipped through to see arrowhead designs. The last half was empty, so Phil flipped to the back and called Jasper.

One minute later, Phil decided his friend was an utter bastard as Jasper's mocking laughter filled his ears.

Two minutes after that Phil hung up the phone and Phil considered who would be better for this Melinda or Maria.

Thirty seconds later Phil's phone rang with Jasper's obnoxious face being displayed.

Five minutes later, Phil was willing to revise his assessment of Jasper being a bastard as Jasper had given detailed instructions on how to fix a turkey.

One minute after that, Jasper confirmed he was an utter bastard with a text message of a link that would deliver a Thanksgiving meal. Also a coupon code, because Jasper was a thrifty bastard.

Phil glanced over at Natasha to see that she'd found a notebook and was taking notes. 

"What all do we need to make?"

"Mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole, Clint's cranberry relish will have to wait until he gets here, because he guards that recipe as if it were a state secret," Phil said. "Rolls. Stuffing. I think that's enough for the three of us."

"Mashed potatoes look easy enough as does the casserole." She fell silent.

"You don't have to eat if you don't want to."

"Oh, thank goodness," Natasha muttered. "We could do rolls tonight?"

Phil considered, before nodding. "That might be a good idea. You have a recipe?"

Natasha nodded, turning the page. Together they headed to the kitchen, preparing to do battle with the oven and Clint's big mixer.

*

Phil stared at the bread dough. "I don't think its changed."

"No," Natasha said, frowning. "It's the same."

"So what do we do?" Phil asked.

"I don't know! Try again?"

Phil nodded and they got to work, remixing the dough and setting things up for the dough to rise again. They left the oven on, so that it could get the yeast going. 

With that working, they started cleaning up the kitchen. 

"Where does the yeast go?" Natasha asked.

"Clint had it in the freezer," Phil said.

Natasha nodded, pausing as she went to put it back. "Did you know that yeast has an expiration date? And this is well past that date."

Phil frowned, taking the jar and looking at it himself. "Fuck. We need more yeast."

"I can run down to the store?" Natasha asked. "Anything else we need?"

Phil nodded. "I can't think of anything."

Natasha nodded, grabbing her jacket and heading out.

*

The third batch and the second batch had both risen. Phil wasn't sure why the second had, but they now had an overabundance of rolls, which was a good thing. Considering some of them ended up partly burnt, because they'd fallen asleep while they were baking.

*

The next morning Phil put the turkey in the oven after following Jasper's instructions. He set a timer to remind him to baste it. Natasha prepped the green bean casserole, so that it was ready to go into the oven when the turkey rested. 

*

"This oven is off!" Phil growled.

"What do you mean?" Natasha asked.

"This side is cooking faster than the other side. I think… I think I need to turn it?" Phil said, glancing at her.

She shrugged her shoulders.

"Gloves," Phil requested. Natasha got the gloves and handed them to him. He grabbed the turkey by the legs to turn it and the legs came off. He looked up at Natasha. "What do I do?"

"I don't know! Are they cooked?"

"I don't know! Get the thermometer?" 

Natasha did so and they needed more cooking.

"Why didn't you rotate the pan?" Natasha suggested as Phil eyed the bird. 

Phil nodded and pulled the bird completely out, so that it could be rotated and they shoved it back in. "We're going to let him down, he was so excited."

"Bullshit," Natasha growled. "That's not going to happen!" She picked up a knife and started peeling potatoes. "He's an idiot, but he's ours, and we can do this. We can make him happy."

"Right," Phil agreed, glancing at the oven that contained the ruined carcass of their turkey.

*

The bird took a lot longer than Jasper said it would, which was fine. Clint was on the way while the green bean casserole was in the oven and Natasha was vigorously mashing potatoes, muttering under her breath in Russian. Phil was fairly sure that she was trying to intimidate them into being good. Phil, meanwhile, was working on the gravy, which was lumpy and no matter how much he whisked it wouldn't stop being lumpy!

The door opened. "Hello?" Clint's tired voice called.

"Kitchen," Natasha and Phil said together.

There was the sound of one boot being kicked and the other, Phil made a mental note to go and retrieve them, so Clint could find them easily. 

"What are you doing?" Clint asked, leaning in the door frame.

"Mashing potatoes," Natasha answered.

"Making dinner," Phil added. 

"You've killed those potatoes Nat, they're good," Clint said, leaning between them and kissing her cheek. Phil got one next. "You're going to have start over with that, sir, or we can strain it."

Phil paused, and looked at him. "Strain it?"

Clint dug around the cabinets and came up with a metal strainer. "This'll get out the lumps." He slipped by them, eyes narrowing at the turkey and then glancing up at them, but he said nothing. The rolls were looked at next and he nodded.

"The casserole is in the oven," Natasha said.

Clint nodded and then picked up the empty fried onion container. "When did these go on?"

"They went in there with them."

"Oh," Clint said with a nod.

"What?" Natasha asked.

"They're burnt," Clint said. "It's fine, they're not horrible burnt. Did you check the temp for the stuffing?"

"Why would we check the stuffing temperature?" Phil asked.

"To prevent salmonella."

Phil met Natasha's eyes.

"Okay, no stuffing, then. Well, it's fine, as long as we have pumpkin pie."

Phil's eyes widened as he looked at Clint. "I forgot about pumpkin pie."


End file.
